


Coyote's Butte Episode 1 (Pilot/Unfinished)

by A_Cowboy



Category: Original Work
Genre: Cowboys & Cowgirls, My First AO3 Post, Screenplay/Script Format, Sitcom, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:14:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21552061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Cowboy/pseuds/A_Cowboy
Summary: Welcome to Coyote's Butte. We're really just a pit stop for other folks on their way to the big city (but don't tell the Sheriff that). It's here where we follow Sheriff Montana and his crew of misfits as they tackle the cities problems, and their own, one at a time.





	Coyote's Butte Episode 1 (Pilot/Unfinished)

_Int. Sheriff's station. There are two men sitting across from each other. On one side, we see a scrappy-looking boy named JED. He has a notepad, a pencil, and an eager look on his face. On the other side, we see a mountain of a man named MONTANA. He’s all smiles and is entirely obsessed with his job as Sheriff. No one loves this town as much as he does. Lastly, we see another figure in the background near the front door, idly working at the front desk._

MONTANA: ( _giddy_ ) Well I sure do appreciate you choosing us.   
JED: ( _matching his excitement_ ) Sir, it was an easy choice. Other kids chose silly stuff like workin’ with the butcher, or lasso-in cows, heck a quarter of them went to the train station.   
MONTANA: A bunch of lillies. I reckon it takes a special kind of man to do our kind of work.   
JED: I bet you get in shootouts all the time. Taking out gangs left and right, ka-POW!   
MONTANA: ( _chuckling_ ) Not every day, but we certainly do our part.   
JED: Okay, first question: What do you use that for? ( _points pencil at shackles_ )  
MONTANA: Well if’n a criminal was too dangerous for us to handle, then we’d throw these on him for safety. Steel. ( _takes a moment_ ) Unbreakable.   
JED: ( _taking notes_ ) My stars! I bet no one’s ever escaped from you, sir. What do use that for? ( _points at holstered gun_ )   
MONTANA: Oh, this ol’ thing? ( _unholsters_ ) 

_Over the next few seconds, MONTANA does increasingly more complicated flips and tricks with his gun as JED frantically sketches and writes down details._

MONTANA: Say that same criminal’s buddies come to help him out. ( _stands_ ) They come strolling through middle of town shoutin’, ‘Sheriff, sheriff, we’ve come for you!’ Then out of the saloon walks lil ol’ me to see what all the fuss is about. We got a Winchester up top and two men in the center of town, so ugly they’d make a train take a dirt road. ( _tosses the gun up, catches behind his back_ ) And quick as fiddle… ba-ba-bam! Down they go!  
JED: ( _losing it)_ Golly! Th- that’s so cool! And what are those for? ( _points at spurs_ )   
MONTANA: Huh? ( _looks down_ ) Well, sonny, those just turn the horse left and right.   
JED: Oh.  
MONTANA: Yeah.   
JED: ( _writes one sentence_ ) …  
MONTANA: ( _regaining his showmanship_ ) But! Like I said, it takes a special kind of man to do this job.

  
  
_Behind him, across the room, the door is kicked down and flies off its hinges._

  
_  
_MONTANA: (without looking over) Or Eleanor.

_Close-up of the figure at the front desk, mouth open in surprise. This is the face of WINNIFRED (WINNIE), receptionist here at the station, and as proper and pretty as a lady can be. A lizard could scurry past her and she’d apologize for being in its way. We back up to reveal ELEANOR muttering curses to herself as she fixes the door. She’s the deputy here at the station and just as tough as MONTANA, if not tougher._

WINNIE: ( _cooing_ ) Now honey, what happened this time?   
ELEANOR: ( _fuming_ ) Folks act like they ain’t got a momma, hootin’ and hollerin’ like that.   
WINNIE: S’pose even a bug has gotta have a momma.   
ELEANOR: Well I squashed’em, so Bart might come in later with another complaint. ( _notices_ ) Who’s the kid?   
WINNIE: That’s one of Mrs. Albright’s boys, joinin’ us for the summer to learn a lil about keepin’ the peace, upholding the laws, and ( _camera shows Jed and Montana arm wrestling_ ) uh… havin’ a lil fun no doubt. Boy, I haven’t seen Montana arm wrestle since that time he beat you. When was that? Last spr- ( _she turns back to ELEANOR and she’s gone_ )

  
_She turns again to find ELEANOR and MONTANA already in the heat of an intense rematch, with both parties straining to keep it in the middle. WINNIE shakes her head and smiles._

ELEANOR: ( _faking cool_ ) Easiest win I’ve ever had.   
MONTANA: ( _sweating, still all smiles)_ Oh, you’ve won before? Coulda fooled me.   
ELEANOR: ( _to JED_ ) What’s your name little man, I need to know who I’m about to impress.   
JED: My name’s Jed, ma’am, but no offense, no would could beat Sheriff Montana.   
ELEANOR: ( _glares at him_ ) Is that so?   
JED: ( _sorry he said anything)_  
MONTANA: Well don’t be rude, shake his hand!   
ELEANOR: ( _catching on_ ) Oh, sugar, pass me that glass of water, will you?   
MONTANA: Iffff you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands!   
JED: ( _hesitantly claps_ )   
ELEANOR: They say if your hand is bigger than your face, you’re a bad sheriff.  
MONTANA: Ha! Now I ain’t fallin’ for that twice.

  
  
 _Close-up on each of their faces, then their hands, then their faces again with a whip crack sound effect between each change. They’re both too strong and proud to budge an inch. We show WINNIE’s smile slowly fading to concern, then boredom._ _Wide shot of the entire room with WINNIE on the left and everyone else on the right. Time creeps by._

WINNIE: …...…shouldn't we be d-  
ELEANOR: ( _erupts_ ) HYAAAAA!

  
  
_ELEANOR slams her hand down victoriously, and we see the look of shock on MONTANA’s face for a split second before we cut to minutes later. ELEANOR and WINNIE happily talk in the background and MONTANA, more serious now, is back in his chair._

MONTANA: Yep, it takes a special kind of person to do this work.   
JED: ( _sheepish_ ) You said man earlier-   
MONTANA: I don’t think I ever said man.   
JED: ( _flipping through notes_ ) Sure yah did, it was right before you lost to Elea-  
MONTANA: ( _stretching_ ) Woo wee, so you was asking questions for school, right? Where were we now?   
JED: Yes! I was wonderin’ what the other officers were like. I mean, shucks, you’re so brave and strong-  
MONTANA: Very strong  
JED: And Ms. Eleanor is so cool and even stronger than you-  
MONTANA: Well I don’t know about all th-  
JED: I was just wondering, are the other fellas anything like you two?   
MONTANA: ( _thinking, raises his eyebrows_ ) Well- 

_Cut to:_

_Int. Saloon. We glide down the length of the bartop seeing various lowlifes and thugs before landing on two men. They’re rugged, bearded, and seem to have a permanent scowl. They stare dead ahead toward the camera. Beside them o.s. there’s uproarious laughter and peanut shells flying into frame. The man closest to the action is getting pelted with shells and grows increasingly annoyed before, moments later, an elbow is thrown in his direction and knocks over his drink._

  
_  
_THUG: (yelling) You better watch yourself, boy!

  
  
_Reveal, not one boy, but two. The closest one is COLE, who is the younger of the two and despite being an officer of the law is, unfortunately, more of a pacifist. The next seat over is TRAVIS, a young ladykiller whos always trying to find a good laugh. By any means._

COLE: ( _stammering_ ) Sorry, I - I just wa… we was just..   
TRAVIS: What my partner here is saying is that we’re mighty sorry. It won’t happen again. ( _turns COLE back around_ )   
COLE: ( _harsh whisper_ ) I swear, Travis, you get in another fuss I’ll leave you out to dry.   
TRAVIS: Like you’re much help anyhow, now one more, one more. ( _leaning in_ ) What did the cowboy say when his dog left?   
COLE: Now, Travis, I don’t thin-   
TRAVIS: ( _already laughing_ ) Aw, c’mon, one more, what’d he say, what’d he say?   
COLE: ( _glances over at the THUG_ ) I don’t know, what?   
TRAVIS: Doggone, bahahaHA! ( _slaps his knee_ )   
COLE: ( _cracks a smile_ ) Doggone… alright, that ain’t half bad…

  
  
_They both chuckle to themselves for a moment. Then, across the room, the camera follows a gorgeous woman walking through the double doors and sitting alone at a table. TRAVIS stops laughing and puts a hand to COLE._

  
  
TRAVIS: Now who do we have here?   
COLE: (still chuckling) Doggone.. hehh heh...  
TRAVIS: Cole, do you see what I see? 

_The lady strikes a match, lights a cigarette, and tilts her head back as she exhales smoke._

  
  
COLE: ( _notices_ ) My god.  
TRAVIS: Mhmm… she-  
COLE: -isn’t using a coaster. But that ain’t really against the law now, Travis.   
TRAVIS: ( _shaking his head)_ Not the coaster, the woman, try to stay focused here.   
COLE: I’ll have you know that not every fella in town turns into a bumbling fool when they see a pretty lady like you do.   
TRAVIS: Ah! So, you admit you think she’s pretty.   
COLE: ( _nonchalant_ ) Why sure.   
TRAVIS: ( _staring at him_ ) I betcha can’t get her name.   
COLE: ( _turns back to the bar_ ) No no, I couldn’t do that.  
TRAVIS: Just a name! Even you can do that! Unless… ( _beat_ ) you’re a nancy.   
COLE: ( _perks up_ ) I ain’t no nancy.   
TRAVIS: Then prove it. 

_COLE takes a moment to think about his approach, and then we follow him. On his way over, we see him unbutton a few buttons from his shirt and practice several scowls. As he finds his character and is about to approach the lady, he is cut off by a burly man with the same scowl._

BURLY MAN: Well, well, well, aren’t you just pretty as a peach.   
LADY: ( _glances over_ )   
BURLY MAN: ( _continuing_ ) I can’t imagine why a lady like you has to sit by herself like this. You must’ve just rolled into town, huh?   
LADY: ( _looks away_ )   
BURLY MAN: ( _switching gears_ ) Oh, I see, the strong silent type. Well I guess you’re just a rotten peach, huh? I tell you something ain’t no man ever gonna love you if you keep this up, honey. I was just hoping to show you around town, get you familiar with the place, put some kindness out in the world, but clearly I don’t deserve any kindness back. You know you wom-

  
  
_The LADY blows smoke in his face. He swipes at the air with his hat and walks out of the bar, still raving, with wild hand gestures. We see him outside, through a silhouette in the window, stop for a moment to turn back and say more, but then he turns and finally leaves for good. COLE is still staring at the window when he looks back at the LADY and realizes she’s looking at him expectantly._

  
  
COLE: ( _back to normal)_ Everything okay here, ma’am?   
LADY: Yes sir, sometimes the trash takes itself out.   
COLE: Oh, good!   
LADY: ( _slow nod_ )   
COLE: ( _glances over to TRAVIS_ )   
TRAVIS: (two hands in the air, mouthing “YOU GOT THIS”)   
COLE: Say, uhh, OH! ( _chuckling_ ) Now what did the cowboy say when his dog left?   
LADY: ...Doggone?   
COLE: I see I’ve wasted your time, you have a good day now. ( _turns to go_ )   
LADY: Knock knock.   
COLE: ( _stops_ ) Who’s there?   
LADY: ( _sweetly_ ) Handsome.   
COLE: ( _blushing_ ) Handsome who?   
LADY: Handsome of that whiskey to me! ( _loses it_ )   
COLE: ( _embarrassed)_ Alright, alright, you got me.   
LADY: ( _snorting, covering her mouth_ )   
COLE: Now I’ve just about had it. What are you doing here anyhow?   
LADY: I’m sorry, sugar, I just couldn’t help myself. My, you’re as red as an apple. ( _COLE sits_ ) I’m just waiting for my pa to show up. He said he’d be here by now.   
COLE: Oh, so you are from out of town.   
LADY: I’m from Dustville and darn proud of it!   
COLE: Dustville? Well that’s a stupid name for a city.   
LADY: ( _squinting_ ) Says the man who’s from Coyote’s Butt.   
COLE: It’s pronounced byoot. Coyote’s Butte. Honestly, we shouldn’t even call it Coyote’s Butte. We might as well call it a.. a... beauty! It’s so beautiful, I tell you.   
LADY: Oh, you wanna call it Coyote’s Booty? You’re right that’s way better.   
COLE: ( _sulking_ ) Now I don’t even know why I bothered coming over here. All you do is bully people.   
LADY: ( _teasing_ ) Maybe you came over here on account of my butte.   
COLE: ( _already searching the bar for TRAVIS_ )   
LADY: ( _more serious_ ) Or maybe… there’s a chance I like red apples.   
COLE: ( _reeled back in_ ) You do?   
LADY: Maybe there’s a chance that I like to take them home and wash them off before I enjoy them.   
COLE: ( _growing red again_ )   
LADY: ( _leaning in_ ) And the best part is feeling the apple’s juices run down the sides of my mouth...   
COLE: ( _gulp_ ) Wh.. what was your name again?   
LADY: You can call me-   
THUG: ( _suddenly, o.s._ ) I thought I told you to watch yourself, boy!   
COLE: ( _snaps out of it_ ) Now what is it this time?   
LADY: Oh, hi pa! I was waiting for you!   
COLE: ( _fear in his eyes_ ) Pa?   
LADY: This is my new friend. I was hoping he could join us for supper.

  
  
_Closeup of THUG cracking his knuckles, then a worried COLE. Then we cut to COLE and TRAVIS walking around downtown. COLE is covering one eye with an ice pack._ _  
_

TRAVIS: ( _disappointed_ ) You didn’t even get her name? 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if you liked it so far hehh heh!


End file.
